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September 21, 2003
How to Beat an Intervention Modern Drunkard Magazine has an excellent how-to on beating interventions. The advice is brilliant: "Crush the Quisling "At least one member of the group won’t want to be there. He’ll be the one lurking in the background, refusing to make eye contact. He may be a drinker himself. Probably not the same quality of drinker you are, but a fellow imbiber nevertheless. This traitor is very vulnerable to the Fruitarian Gambit. Developed as a forward defense against aggressive vegetarians, the gambit goes like this: When a vegetarian starts ranting about how meat is murder, identify yourself as a Fruitarian (super-vegans that only eat what a plant gives up willingly, such as an apple falling off a tree) and shrill, “Do you know the anguish of the wheat stalk at harvest time? Did you know they can sense when their brethren are being slaughtered around them? Is that a polyblend shirt, cotton killer? Where’s my red dye?”
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