Chief Ike's Mambo Room
1725 Columbia Rd. NW

Closed Sept. 22 for no certified food manager, unclean food contact surfaces and equipment and evidence of rodents. Reopened last Thursday

Isn't our mandate clear? If you see Jimmy Swaggart, gaze upon him as romantically as you possibly can.

Okay, I know it's difficult to imagine a romantic encounter with this guy, but just imagine this fat fuck attacking you and your response in self-defense! 50 points for whomever breaks his nose. And just think...if you manage to break his jaw...

Magazine editors in the U.S. are under increasing pressure to weave advertising into their editorial content. In the past, advertisers have sought to influence stories, often with success. Now they are going further, and seeking to turn ads into articles.

[...]

In recent months, publications such as the Wall Street Journal, Advertising Age, PR Week and the Christian Science Monitor have reported on how advertisers are leaning on editors to blend advertising with editorial content. This is part of broader efforts by advertisers to increase the impact of their advertising spending. Other media – especially television, movies and video games -- have acceded to advertisers demands for more product placements.

Now advertisers are trying to gain similar concessions from magazines, too. “The only way we’re going to be more successful is to get even more creative and try to find ways to address this church-and-state,” meaning the high wall between advertising and editorial, Matthew Spahn, director of media planning at Sears, Roebuck, told Advertising Age.

About three years ago, company executives concluded they had found a formula that would revolutionize their processes and save big on costs. It was a way to double shelf life without losing taste or quality. But in rolling out newly long-lived Ho-Hos and Wonder Bread, they ran into a series of setbacks that hurt sales, ate into profits and turned off some customers. In an era when much of business is obsessed with cutting costs, the case shows how a plan that seems sure to yield coveted savings can have unintended consequences.

[...]

The shelf-life program began when company food technicians decided to deconstruct a crumb cake that seemed to stay fresh forever. Examining its recipe, the researchers found the cake included an ideal amount of a gum whose role was to keep it extra-moist. With great caution, they decided to try adding more of that ingredient to Zingers, a Dolly Madison cake. "One of the scariest things in the food business is to change your recipe," says Mr. Dirkes.

The new Zingers tasted fine. So the company added more gum to Hostess Twinkies and the rest of its line of snack cakes. Suddenly the cakes, which used to last on store shelves for as few as seven days, could stay there at least two weeks.

The implications were huge: Interstate could reduce waste. That meant it should be able to close some plants. And it could cut the frequency of deliveries.

A big question was whether the technology could be applied to bread, which makes up more than half of the company's sales. It had always had a shelf life of only about three days, far less than cakes.

Bread proved far more complicated. The gum didn't mix well with it. An early attempt to create a longer-lived loaf burned out the motor of a bread-dough mixer.

The company sought the help of Innovative Cereal Systems, an Oregon company that specializes in mixing freshness-enhancing enzymes for bakeries. Enzymes bind water molecules to the bread, making it softer and slowing the process of going stale.

Innovative Cereal was convinced it had the right formula for extending the life of bread -- a recipe that didn't include the gum inside Zingers. But Interstate wasn't its only client. The whole bakery industry was seeking to prolong shelf life. Sara Lee Corp., another large bread maker, was also working with Innovative Cereal.

Interstate experimented with the Innovative Cereal formula and determined that it worked in Wonder Bread, the nation's top-selling brand. In 2001, Interstate began shipping Wonder loaves that could stay soft and fresh for seven days, more than twice as long as before.

[...]

Mitchell Pinheiro, a food analyst with Janney Montgomery Scott, says he was touring an Atlanta supermarket in June 2003 when he noticed that Interstate's Merita bread looked gummy and doughy. "It was so heavy that the sides weren't able to support the weight," Mr. Pinheiro says. He questioned a delivery driver, who, he recalls, thought the bread never should have made it to store shelves.

Quality was especially a problem in the company's Southeast division. Sales there were off 25% by April 2003, according to David C. Nelson, a food-industry analyst at Credit Suisse First Boston.

Consumers started complaining on Twinkies.org, a Web site not affiliated with Interstate. "I've been eating Merita bread for decades," but "the taste seems to have changed," an anonymous consumer wrote in a posting in 2003. Wrote another: "Whatever has happened or is happening we do not like it and have gone to another brand."

...Smith & Vine in Brooklyn, N.Y., is one of many stores around the country taking advantage of recent changes in state laws that now allow them to serve free samples of spirits to customers. Other liquor stores are doing everything from demonstrating how to sautée shrimp in vodka to throwing Caribbean-themed parties complete with rum samples and island music.

Liquor laws vary widely state-by-state. In some states, only liquor stores are permitted to provide free tastes of distilled spirits, while in others only bars and restaurants can host a tasting.

...Today, 23 states plus Washington, D.C., allow liquor-store sampling.

In 1998, the Japanese asked the Codex Alimentarius Commission, whose committees have "harmonized" hundreds of food standards since the 1960s, to set a standard for soy sauce that would mirror the Japanese one. They wanted to make what they thought were important distinctions between traditional soy sauce, which is brewed and fermented from soybeans, and a popular American knock-off that contains an extract of soybean or some other protein, flavor enhancers, and artificial coloring.

This is my favorite part of the article, where our friends at Hogan and Hartson, who incidentially are paid by the American creators of fake soy sauce, prove a negative:

The Japanese labeling proposal has not gone down smoothly with the International Hydrolyzed Protein Council, whose members make and supply the basic ingredient for the U.S.-made competitor. "These products have been manufactured here and around the world for decades and sold as soy sauce, and there have been no complaints from consumers," said Martin J. Hahn, executive director of the trade group and a partner at Hogan & Hartson LLP.

Well, I am complaining, and I suggest that you do too. This problem of fake-ass products has existed in the marketplace for too long.

In 1906, the U.S. Pure Food and Drugs Act passed--that law prohibited adulterated or misbranded food. But it did not allow the government to set standards for food products. It also allowed "distinctive name" products, such as "Bred-Spred." There remained no labeling requirement for these distinctive name products, so individuals had no way to know the true contents. The quality of food actually declined. Egg noodles were sold in deceptive ways--one product was just normal noodles placed in a yellow bag so that they would appear to be yellow. There were also meat products that were deceptive. The packers would actually put chicken in a glass jar with a thin veneer of white meat on the outside with dark meat on the inside. Bizarro tonics were marketed, such as "Warner's Safe Cure for Diabetes" and Hamlin's Wizard Oil.

The distinctive name exemption also created bad practices. One of the best examples was "Staley's Maple Syrup," a product that actually only contained 1.7% maple syrup. Simply adding "Staley's" made this okay.

In many ways, we're in the same situation again. If you go to the supermarket and buy syrup or jam, chances are it is mostly corn syrup. If the makers of these products were forced to actually label their crap correctly, it wouldn't be able to compete. Would you buy "Maple-Flavored Corn Syrup?" We'd have higher quality products.

So, here's my complaint letter:

Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 10:19:39 -0400 (GMT-04:00) To: mjhahn@hhlaw.com Subject: Soy Sauce Complaint [u] Cc: skrzyckic@washpost.com Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Earthlink Zoo Mail 1.0 X-ELNK-AV: 0

Dear Mr. Hahn,

I am writing to complain. I do not like the idea that La Choy and other companies can label their products as soy sauce when they are not brewed, especially when the product appears to have the same ingredients as Pepsi. That doesn't fit with consumer expectations, and including a small label that it is not brewed will not help. Ultimately, it will force the real producers of this product to water down their products to compete with cheaper brands that really are mislabeled.

If you look at the history of low-quality food, you'll see that many misbranded products tend to drag down the practices of legitimate companies. Look at maple syrup, jam, etc. Many of the products on the market are just corn syrup because they've beaten out the real products as a result of being mislabeled. If they were clearly labeled what they were--maple flavored sugar--they wouldn't be able to compete.

Ms. Skrzycki, I love your column and I read it regularly. But I am also writing to complain about reporters who quote lobbyists and trade groups for the proposition that "there have been no complaints from consumers." First of all, this is a negative proposition...unless one has been sitting at the dinner table of every consumer, how could one state that this is true? Second of all, it is highly unlikely that no one has complained. And now, I have complained. So there.

Sincerely,
Chris Hoofnagle

Former Baltimore police officer Bob Kleebauer conducted his own road test. Late one night in March, he drove to the intersection where his wife got a photo-radar ticket. His license plate coated with PhotoBlocker, he waited until no cars were coming, then ran the light.

He took that "$75 chance" because he believes red-light cameras are
revenue traps targeting decent people, says Kleebauer, now a telecom
salesman. "Ninety-nine percent of the drivers who get caught are
law-abiding citizens who do it accidentally. You are approaching a
yellow light and you have a tenth of a second to brake or go. Make
the wrong decision and they got you."

His test finding: "The flash went off behind me, but I've never
received a ticket."

The Denver Police Department, at the behest of Fox News, conducted a
road test two years ago and found that PhotoBlocker was effective,
plate covers less so. Similar results were found by TV news programs
in Great Britain, Australia and Sweden.

[...]

Ray "Radar Ray" Reyer, whose online firm Radarbuster.com sells Photo Fog and PhotoStopper, says roadside and weather conditions and camera angles can affect clarity. And the "flash-back" sprays have no effect against digital cameras that don't flash, like the ones Howard County recently began installing.

[...]

Speed Measurement Laboratories -- consultants to police departments
and radar and radar-detector makers worldwide -- has tested most
products designed to defeat photo enforcement, including car waxes
and stealth sprays that claim to make cars "invisible to radar,"
photo-flash devices designed to flash back at cameras and the
high-gloss tag sprays.

"There's a lot of good people in the industry who are honest and a
lot of charlatans. But it doesn't work, that's the bottom line,"
says Carl Fors, owner of the Fort Worth company.

The bounce-back-the-flash concept does work sometimes, he says, but
only on positive images traffic cameras produce. "If we reverse the
image, go to a negative image, we can read every letter on a license
plate," he says.

Fors says the firms that make and operate radar camera systems and
analyze the photos for municipalities routinely check negatives
where license plates look unreadable. "Going to the negative image
is no big deal," he says.

[...]

Bush has said many times that he is a Christian, believes in the power of prayer and considers himself a "lowly sinner." But White House aides said they do not know whether the president believes that: the Bible is without error; the theory of evolution is true; homosexuality is a sinful choice; only Christians will go to heaven; support for Israel is a biblical imperative; or the war in Iraq is part of God's plan.

Some political analysts think there is a shrewd calculation behind these ambiguities. By using such phrases as the "culture of life," Bush signals to evangelical Protestants and conservative Catholics that he is with them, while he avoids taking explicit stands that might alienate other voters or alarm foreign leaders. Bush and his chief speechwriter, Michael J. Gerson, are "very gifted at crafting references that religious insiders will understand and outsiders may not," said the Rev. Jim Wallis, editor of the evangelical journal Sojourners.

[...]

Though he was always somewhat religious, Bush said, a turning point came in a private talk with the Rev. Billy Graham along the coast of Maine in 1985. Graham's words planted the "mustard seed in my soul" that eventually led to a decision to "recommit my heart to Jesus Christ," he wrote.

Introduction of Senator John Kerry

Democratic Party of Georgia's
Jefferson-Jackson Dinner

March 1, 2001

It is good to be back in Georgia and to be with you. I have been coming to these dinners since the 1950s, and have missed very few.

I'm proud to be Georgia's junior senator and I'm honored to serve with Max Cleland, who is as loved and respected as anyone in that body. One of our very highest priorities must be to make sure this man is re-elected in 2002 so he can continue to serve this state and nation.

I continue to be impressed with all that Governor Barnes and Lieutenant Governor Taylor and the Speaker and the General Assembly are getting done over at the Gold Dome. Georgia is fortunate to have this kind of leadership.

My job tonight is an easy one: to present to you one of this nation's authentic heroes, one of this party's best-known and greatest leaders ­ and a good friend.

He was once a lieutenant governor ­ but he didn't stay in that office 16 years, like someone else I know. It just took two years before the people of Massachusetts moved him into the United States Senate in 1984.

In his 16 years in the Senate, John Kerry has fought against government waste and worked hard to bring some accountability to Washington.

Early in his Senate career in 1986, John signed on to the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Bill, and he fought for balanced budgets before it was considered politically correct for Democrats to do so.

John has worked to strengthen our military, reform public education, boost the economy and protect the environment. Business Week magazine named him one of the top pro-technology legislators and made him a member of its "Digital Dozen."

John was re-elected in 1990 and again in 1996 ­ when he defeated popular Republican Governor William Weld in the most closely watched Senate race in the country.

John is a graduate of Yale University and was a gunboat officer in the Navy. He received a Silver Star, Bronze Star and three awards of the Purple Heart for combat duty in Vietnam. He later co-founded the Vietnam Veterans of America.

He is married to Teresa Heinz and they have two daughters.

As many of you know, I have great affection ­ some might say an obsession ­ for my two Labrador retrievers, Gus and Woodrow. It turns out John is a fellow dog lover, too, and he better be. His German Shepherd, Kim, is about to have puppies. And I just want him to know … Gus and Woodrow had nothing to do with that.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Senator John Kerry.

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