ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM POTUSOIDS?

By Wayne Madsen

POTUSOIDS RESULT IN THE PAINFUL BURNING OF THE EARS AND INCESSANT ITCHING OF 
THE EYES EVERY TIME THE CURRENT POTUS OF POSTCON AMERICA SPEAKS. POTUS IS 
SECRET SERVICE-SPEAK FOR "PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES." POSTCON AMERICA IS 
PRIVACY-SPEAK FOR "POST CONSTITUTIONAL AMERICA" - A STATE THAT HAS ACTUALLY 
EXISTED SINCE DECEMBER 12, WHEN THE US SUPREME COURT IN BUSH V. GORE VOTED 
5-4 TO "SELECT" THE CURRENT POTUS. IT HAS BEEN DOWNHILL EVER SINCE FOR THE 
COUNTRY AND ITS CONSTITUTIONAL FORM OF GOVERNMENT.


LET'S REVIEW SOME MORE SEVERE POTUSOID FLAREUPS:


ON DECEMBER 18, SIX DAYS AFTER THE SUPREMES SELECTED POTUS, BUSH SAID THE 
FOLLOWING ABOUT HIS NEW JOB AFTER MEETING WITH THE TOP FOUR CONGRESSIONAL 
LEADERS:


"I told all four that there are going to be some times where we don't agree 
with each other, but that's OK.. If this were a dictatorship, it would be a 
heck of a lot easier -- just so long as I'm the dictator." 


THEN THIS POTUSOID IS REPEATED ON JULY 27, 2001 MONTHS AFTER BEING SWORN IN.


"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about 
it." 


PERSISTENCE SEEMS TO HAVE FINALLY PAID OFF.


A SEVERE ATTACK OF POTUSOIDS SURROUNDS THIS COMMENT. WHAT POTUS WANTED, POTUS 
GOT IN POSTCON AMERICA. MANY IN CONGRESS DISAGREED WITH THE USA PATRIOT ACT 
BUT WERE FORCED TO VOTE FOR IT ANYWAY -- POTUS GOT DICTATORIAL POWERS AND 
HE'S USING THEM AND A LOT MORE NOT AUTHORIZED BY CONGRESS: SECRET TRIALS AND 
EXECUTIONS, SUSPENSION OF THE WRIT OF HABEAS CORPUS, SECRET EAVESDROPPING ON 
ATTORNEYS AND THEIR CLIENTS. POTUS WAS RIGHT LAST DECEMBER AND JULY, BEING A 
DICTATOR HAS MADE IT A HECK OF A LOT EASIER!


THEN THIS IRRITABLE POTUSOID FROM LAST JULY 22:


"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what 
I believe — I believe what I believe is right."


YES, THAT'S WHY THOSE OF US WHO SPEND MORE TIME IN LIBRARIES READING UP ON 
THE FEDERALIST PAPERS THAN WAITING IN LINE AT WAL-MART ARE ALL VERY, VERY 
CONCERNED.


THEN THERE IS THE HEARTBREAK OF A YULETIDE POTUSOID. HOW ABOUT THIS ONE 
UTTERED DURING A PHOTO OP ON NOV. 20 AT THE WHITE HOUSE.


"Laura and I regret that the public tours aren't going on, particularly 
during the Christmas holiday season. I know a lot of Americans look forward 
to touring the White House during this period of time, but we're in 
extraordinary times."


"And as I said yesterday, evil knows no holiday; evil doesn't welcome 
Thanksgiving or Christmas season. And in these extraordinary times, we're 
taking extraordinary measures."


THIS GUY MUST'VE SEEN ONE TOO MANY AUSTIN POWERS MOVIES. HOW SOMEONE CAN KEEP 
PERSONIFYING EVIL (CAUSING MANY POTUSOID ATTACKS) IS UNBELIEVABLE. BUT THEN 
AGAIN, THE PEOPLE OF WHOVILLE ALSO LIVED IN EXTRAORDINARY TIMES WHEN THE 
GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS. AS FOR THE KIDS FROM FAMILIES WHO DID NOT CONTRIBUTE 
OVER $500,000 TO POTUS'S QUESTIONABLE POTUS CAMPAIGN, I GUESS POTUS COULD 
PARAPHRASE EBENEZER SCROOGE IN ANOTHER POTUSOID: "Are there no shopping mall 
Christmas trees? Are there no department store Santas?"  WILLARD SCOTT MUST 
BOYCOTT PLAYING SANTA AT THIS YEAR'S WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS PARTY FOR RICH 
CONTRIBUTORS AND THEIR BRATTY, SNOTTY LITTLE URCHINS!


HERE'S ANOTHER POTUSOID, ISSUED ON OCTOBER 12, THE SAME DAY THAT ST. JOHN OF 
ASHCROFT ISSUED A GENERAL TERRORIST ALERT:


"I hope it's the last, but given the attitude of the evil-doers, it might not 
be." 


EVIL DOERS, EVIL ONES! A WHITE HOUSE TV NEWS CAMERAMAN SAW THESE PHRASES 
WRITTEN DOWN ON A SET OF FLASH CARDS POTUS ALWAYS CARRIES AROUND WHEN HE'S IN 
FRONT OF CAMERAS. WHERE COULD THOSE FLASH CARDS HAVE COME FROM? "THE 
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET" FREDDY KRUGER SERIES? OR THE CHUCKIE FROM "CHILD'S 
PLAY" SERIES? MAYBE HE IS REFERRING TO A FIXATION ON "THE EXORCIST" IN WHICH 
A DEVIL-POSSESSED LINDA BLAIR VOMITS OUT "WE ARE LEGION." THOSE MULTITUDINOUS 
SATANIC LEGIONNAIRES WERE CERTAINLY ALL EVIL ONES AND EVIL DOERS.


HERE WAS A REAL BAD POTUSOID ATTACK ON OCTOBER 4. POTUS WAS ANNOUNCING THE 
REOPENING REAGAN NATIONAL AIRPORT AFTER ALLOWING THE SECRET SERVICE TO KEEP 
IT CLOSED FOR SEVERAL WEEKS -- THAT'S RIGHT THOSE KIDS OF THOSE UNEMPLOYED 
MINUMUM WAGERS WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT POTUS CANCELING CHRISTMAS ANYWAY -- 
THEIR FAMILIES HAVE TOO MANY BILLS TO PAY TO WORRY ABOUT BUYING TOYS AND SUCH 
ANYWAY. THE POTUSOID:


"Ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport."


THAT POTUSOID WAS PARTICULARLY PAINFUL. I DON'T MIND PLANES FLYING OUT OF 
REAGAN NATIONAL AIRPORT, BUT WHEN THE TICKET COUNTERS START DOING IT, IT DOES 
NOT SOUNDS LIKE A SAFE PLACE TO BE AT ALL. 
WHAT'S WORSE, THAT COMMENT WAS FOLLOWED BY APPLAUSE FROM THE ASSEMBLED 
MINIWAGE AIRPORT WORKERS. AND WHO SAYS ONLY STALIN, KIM IL SUNG AND MAO COULD 
PRODUCE CROWDS AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE?


ANOTHER PRE-SELECTION POTUSOID FROM THE CAMPAIGN:


It's going to require numerous IRA agents." 


THAT OCT. 10, 2000 POTUSOID WAS MADE ABOUT ALMOST POTUS GORE'S TAX PLAN. NOW, 
IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, THE IRA -- IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY --WAS CONSIDERED A 
TERRORIST GROUP. DOESN'T THAT MAKE THEM "EVIL ONES?"  WHY WOULD EVIL ONES 
NEED TO COLLECT TAXES?


ANOTHER PRE-SELECTION POTUSOID MADE IN SAGINAW, MICHIGAN:


"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." 


WAIT A MINUTE!  WHAT ABOUT THE SHARKS THAT KILLED AND INJURED ALL THOSE 
SWIMMERS THIS PAST SUMMER? THEY SOUND A HELL OF A LOT LIKE EVIL DOERS TO ME! 
WHY DO 22 TERRORIST GROUPS RATE AN EVIL RATING WHILE THOSE DAMNED SHARKS GET 
A FREE PASS? A REAL HEAD SCRATCHING POTUSOID THERE.


HERE'S ANOTHER POTUSOID THAT ACTUALLY RESULTS IN GASTRIC REFLUX:


"Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do 
it, that's trustworthiness."


THAT'S FROM AUGUST 30, 2000 BUT CONSIDERING THAT POTUS SWORE THE FOLLOWING 
OATH ON THE BIBLE ON JAN. 20, 2001: "I, George Walker Bush, do solemnly swear 
that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, 
and I will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the 
Constitution of the United States." THAT'S NOT TRUSTWORTHINESS. HELL, THAT 
COULD BE AN EVIL DOER'S ACT. I WONDER WHAT ST. JOHN OF ASHCROFT OF THE 
PENTECOSTAL CHURCH OF OUR SYSTEM OF QUESTIONABLE JUSTICE MIGHT SAY?


AN AUGUST 3, 2001 CRAWFORD, TEXAS POTUSOID:


"My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the — in the 
Middle East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the 
different parties involved that peace will never happen." 


SOUNDS LIKE AT LEAST ONE OF THEM UNDERSTOOD THAT MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR!


THEN THERE ARE WRITTEN POTUSOIDS, LIKE POTUS'S NEW EXECUTIVE ORDER DEALING 
WITH THE RELEASE OF PAPERS OF PAST PRESIDENTS:


"Absent compelling circumstances the incumbent president may independently 
order the archivist to withhold privileged records."


AND THAT'S WHAT POTUS DID IN SIGNING EXECUTIVE ORDER 13233 -- WHICH BARS THE 
RELEASE OF 68,000 PAGES OF REAGAN ADMINSTRATION DOCUMENTS ALREADY CLEARED FOR 
RELEASE BY THE REAGAN LIBRARY. WELL, THIS POTUS SURE WOULDN'T WANT US ALL TO 
FIND OUT ABOUT THE SLIMY THINGS DADDY POTUS DID BACK IN THE 1980'S WITH 
NORIEGA, BANK OF CREDIT AND COMMERCE INTERNATIONAL (AKA BANK OF CROOKS AND 
CRIMINALS INTERNATIONAL), IRAN-CONTRA, AND EVEN PROVIDING COVERT CIA 
ASSISTANCE TO PEOPLE LIKE THAT MAJOR-LEAGUE EVIL DOER OSAMA BIN LADEN. NO, WE 
DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANY OF THAT STUFF -- AND WE WON'T IN POSTCON AMERICA. 


SOMETIMES A POTUSOID CAN BE QUITE CLOSE AND PERSONAL AS WAS THIS ONE 
EXPERIENCED BY RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN IN SLOVENIA LAST JULY 23:


"You saw the president yesterday. I thought he was very forward-leaning, as 
they say in diplomatic nuanced circles." 


PROBABLY PUTIN WAS 'LEANING FORWARD" INSTEAD OF "FORWARD LEANING" -- THINKING 
TO HIMSELF, "HOW COULD THIS DUMBSHITSKY HAVE EVER BEEN ELECTED PRESIDENT OF 
THE UNITED STATES?"


A "L'ETAT EST MOI" POTUSOID FROM LAST JULY 2:


"Well, it's an unimaginable honor to be the president during the Fourth of 
July of this country. It means what these words say, for starters. The great 
inalienable rights of our country. We're blessed with such values in America. 
And I — it's — I'm a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful 
values."


WELL, WHAT POTUS WANTS, POTUS GETS! HIS VALUES, HIS NATION. WHAT ARE THE 
CURRENT IMMIGRATION RULES FOR AUSTRALIA?


THIS POTUSOID WAS EXTREMELY PAINFUL TO THE PEOPLE OVER AT THE NATIONAL 
GEOGRAPHIC SOCIETY:


"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a 
nation that suffers from incredible disease."


THIS POTUSOID WAS VERY PAINFUL TO THE EYES MORESO THAN THE EARS:


"There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll 
never see it." 


NO, BUT WE WILL. FOR MANY, MANY YEARS TO COME.


HOW ABOUT THIS POTUSOID FROM BEFORE SELECTION:


"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." 


WELL, YOUR DADDY KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT THAT AND THE PRIME MINISTER OF JAPAN, 
NOW DOESN'T HE?


HERE'S A POTUSOID THAT HURTS BUT ALSO TRIGGERS LAUGHTER:


"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" 


YEP.


AND THE POTUSOID THAT EATS RIGHT DOWN TO ONE'S GALL BLADDER:


"The great thing about America is everybody should vote." 


RIGHT... AND THEY SHOULD ALL BE COUNTED!


HOW DOES ONE GET RID OF POTUSOIDS? VOTE DEMOCRAT ......